I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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