Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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