Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
