I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We're too hungover to prance.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
