You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
