I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
