Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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