Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I think my moral compass just broke
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
