I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
How many fucks given?
0.12846
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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