I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
