were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
