oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
