wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
