im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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