Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
