I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
did i walk over a car last night?
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
