God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
