1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
