i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
