A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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