I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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