she woke up with a sticky ear
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
