I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
if only i could text you this smell
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
