Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
