Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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