Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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