ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
