So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
