People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
