I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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