Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
