Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
