had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Can I color on your dick again?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
