what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
