I'm going to jail i love you
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
