People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
