This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
