So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
