My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I need moral support for this bender
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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