Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he was CRYING into my vagina
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
