Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
