I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
