i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
