The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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