it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
this is an emotional support booty call
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
