I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
