I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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