This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
