So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
