why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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