9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
