I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
