Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
