I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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