Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
