If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
