you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
